A Louisiana Christmas Friday, Dec 29 2006

I can finally announce on the blog what I have been planning for Christmas for the last few months. In August this year my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. The prognosis is good and we have full confidence that she will conquer this disease, but my mom still has cancer. It ends up that in December she would hit the halfway mark in her schedule of chemotherapy treatments, and after a discussion with my father it was decided that I would come home for Christmas – as a surprise for me mom!My trip started on Monday, December 18. That day I travelled to Shumen to have dinner with Carey and his parents. They had flown into Bulgaria for a visit before they took him to Rome for Christmas. Carey and I both wanted for me to meet his parents so I came down and then caught the night train to Sofia. The next day I had some stuff to take care of in Sofia. I stayed at the apartment of a girl named Julia. She is a Fulbright scholar studying in Sofia that my friend and fellow PCV Trevor knew. He and were both in Sofia that day and flying out the next day, so he asked if I could stay there too. Anyway, after dropping off my bags I went out to main office and all that jazz. That night I cooked at a dinner party at the Assistant Country Director’s (second in command of PC Bulgaria). I made a large batch of red beans and rice (she’s a vegetarian) but also brought some duck and goose gumbo left over from my Thanksgiving banquet. Everything was a big success, and around 11pm or so I headed back to central Sofia with some friends. I hung out with them till about midnight and then returned to the apartment I was staying. Trevor and Julia were there watching a movie, and after getting my bags ready and cleaning myself up for the morning’s flight I joined them. Ended up I stayed awake until about 3:30am and set my alarm for 5:00am.

After getting the last of the bags ready I called a cab and went to the curb and waited for it in the sleet. I got to the airport with plenty of time, but I lost my Swiss army knife when I forgot it was in my carryon. I always have it in that bag, which I always have with me. It was a stupid mistake, and I’ve lost the knife I purchased in Germany five years ago, but oh well. By sheer luck I ran into a volunteer on the same flights as me all the way to D.C. I don’t know if I had ever met Erin, but we picked each other out as volunteers fairly easily. She served near Plovdiv as a TEFL. When we checked in at the gate in Munich for our connection I schmoozed the lady there with my German skills and got our seats upgraded to economy plus, which was nice. I plan on visiting her in Plovdiv sometime. We parted ways in DC after rechecking our bags and establishing where my gate was, but it was good to travel with someone else as far as I could. Upon arrival in NOLA I had to wait for my friends to pick me up. There was thunderstorm in Louisiana that night and the traffic on the interstate was murder. Nonetheless we made it to the Chimes only a little late and enjoyed beer and food. Afterwards we went out to the last show at SoGo live, a venue downtown, that is closing soon. About 1am I was just absolutly knackered and ready to crash, so we went back to Jay’s apartment in the Theta Xi house on campus where I was crashing.

The next day I got up late after the longest night’s sleep I’d had in ages. Travelling in Bulgaria on the night train was rougher than usual this time around and then the flights and all that really had me tired. Anyway, I was able to meet Molly Sheffield for lunch and drinks, which lasted until it was time to head to Slinky’s to attend the fundraiser they were hosting for my kids (Thanks, Pam!). It was a great night. There was a live band, the bud girls showed up, and all in all we raised $700 while I was just drinking with my friends and having a good time. I stayed past closing with Pam and her barback till about 5am putting back some last few beers and talking with Pam about different things.

On Friday I woke up early to get on the road with Jay and Eric. We were houston bound so that they could spend time with their sister and for me to meet up with my friend Laura, who lives there now. Laura and I then headed to Leesville to surprise my mom for Christmas, which was FANTASTIC. We had stopped by Wal-Mart to pick up a large bow for my head and some flowers. Laura knocked on the door for us, and I hid. After being welcomed by my mom I stepped up and simply said “Merry Christmas, momma.” Her reaction was unforgettable. She couldn’t speak at all, just smile, laugh, and cry. It was a good time. After dinner Laura and I just sort of hung out until bed.

The following day we all hung out at the house, though dad, Laura, and I spent some time at dad’s store. He owns a hobby shop just of Fort Polk that he is closing soon, and so we sort of had our pick of the stock. I ended up with a couple of DVDs, graphic novels, and a copy of the board game “Diplomacy.” That night Laura and I went out to Natchitoches to see the Christmas Lights Festival there. We found the best meat pies, did some late night shopping on Front Street, and even caught the fireworks.

Sunday was Christmas eve and Laura came to the morning church service with us and sang an acapella duet with mom. It was really nice. Afterwards she came home with us and got her stuff together. I drove her out to the highway and filler her car up with gas before sending her to Houston. Dad followed us and drove me home after. That afternoon I helped Allison, my sister in law, in the kitchen. We were doing prep-work for Christmas day dinner and didn’t want mom to do too much work since she was weak from the chemo.

Christmas morning was great. The gifts from Bulgaria that I got everyone seemed to go over really well. Dinner was yummy, and lige was good. The next day I gave a radio interview about Peace Corps, and we played some Rumikub that night as a family. The next day Jason and Allison left home early in the morning, and I followed with mom and dad a few hours later. We showed up in Baton Rouge about 3 and went to the mall after drpping off bags. I met my friend Lisa there at 5:30pm and we ended up getting drinks, meeting random folks there, and I got a bit tipsy. Afterwards Molly showed up, and I had to say goodbye to her, which was hard. I of course was a bit under the influence and probably made a bit of an ass of myself (and by probably mean did indeed do).

After sleeping that off we are brought to today, during which I met Rose Landry for coffee and went to dinner with Will Sculling and Adam French, two buddies of mine. They treated me to Tsunami, and afterwards we went to Slinky’s. I ended up closing the bar with Pam (again… not that I am in any way complaining!). She needs a favor which requires me to cook a good bit, which is no problem for me. We’re sorting that out tomorrow. In the meanwhile, I need sleep.

I hope all my readers are having as great a holiday season as I am.

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Issues We Deal With Friday, Dec 15 2006

Recently a girl at LSU who is a Peace Corps Nominee (meaning that if she clears medical she’ll probably be invited to serve) got in touch with me through a mutual professor. One of the things she asked me was this:
“I was also wondering about cultural differences: What are some cultural differences that you are faced with? How do you deal with them? Are there any ethical desicions that you have to make based on ethical conflicts(Meaning, something that you believe is ‘right’ and they believe is ‘wrong’ and visa versa)? What are they and how do you deal with them? How do you maintain your own identity and your own beliefs while, at the same time, complying to their culture (being in their domain and all, I’m sure that’s important)?”

My response is what follows. It’s probably the most I’ve put into actually explaining these issues to anyone back home (i.e. not a fellow volunteer who knows where I’m coming from already). I felt it would be good food for thought.

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Let me premise this by saying one VERY important thing. This is a very general outline. I say things here about “Bulgarians” and “Bulgaria” by painting them all with one brush stroke. There are of course numbers of exceptions to everything I say. Bulgarians, like any people, are a diverse bunch. I have some really good Bulgarian friends who are not like this at all. Also, all of these issues tend to be subtle. While things like a nationalist party hating on the minorities certainly have a high profile, in your every day life you generally only encounter these issues in muted ways. Most of these issues are ones I only occasionally encounter, and usually try to simply skirt around when I do.

Certainly there are many things that one must “adjust” to here. I suppose the biggest thing everyone in Peace Corps Bulgaria seems to have the most trouble with is the fatalism that exists in post-communist nations. That is to say, in Bulgaria people don’t understand that they can make change in their environment by doing. This is merely an example, but if one was to try to do a project to beautify a town park: pick up trash, repaint benches, repair play sets, etc., the average Bulgarian response would be, “why? It will just get dirty and ugly again.” This is paired with the general attitude that if it is not their job, they won’t do it. This is both because under communism, it WAS ALWAYS someone else’s job to do it anyway. Now it’s no one’s job, but no one feels responsible. Thus it’s difficult to get locals to invest in projects. PCVs here often function as much as motivators as they do as facilitators. This is the largest problem I deal with every day. Between the apathy and the lack of thinking outside the box when it comes to problem solving, a PCV can often feel like a bird with its wings clipped.

The biggest conflicts that could be described as ethical generally have to do with the big three: racism, sexism, and discrimination against homosexuals. The biggest is racism, prejudice, and discrimination again the Roma population in Bulgaria. For instance, the Ataka political party is a nationalist organization that formed in the last parliamentary election and also ran a presidential candidate this year. Their platform is basically get rid of the Jews and Roma and Turks and make Bulgaria for the Bulgarians again. Supposedly this will magically make all of Bulgaria’s problems with crime, poverty, education, healthcare, and everything else imaginable disappear, because Bulgarians themselves are all obviously model citizens with great morals and a high level of education. *sigh*

The Roma have it pretty bad here, and a millennium of exploitation and hatred towards them hasn’t made them exactly want to assimilate either. Roma families pull children out of school early, marry off young girls to other families, etc. They live in segregated neighborhoods, and usually don’t speak Bulgarian as a first language, preferring Turkish or a distinct dialect of their own, depending on which community you’re talking about. Any conversation about the Roma you have with the average Bulgarian will usually go south pretty fast. They just think they’re all “dirty tzigane,” which is about a close to calling someone a “dirty nigger” as you can get in Eastern Europe, though it is not as considered as taboo here. They are considered filthy, theives, lazy, etc. Of course the actual lifestyle that Roma people live doesn’t help. Many of them ARE thieves. Most of them ARE unemployed. Most of them ARE stinky. But Bulgarian’s just don’t have the attitude that this is due to their environments and just write them all off as a group. The worst is when they say that their problems with the Roma are like our problems with black people back home (not that we’d ever phrase it that way!). They see things like American music videos and television shows and think that all blacks are gangsters and things like that. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration on my part, but the only experience Bulgarians have of black American culture is the latest 50 Cent video.

Married couples and women serving here also experience the brunt of the sexism here. There’s not a single husband who has had colleagues over that hasn’t been told when helping in the kitchen that that’s woman’s work, or a wife who has been told that it’s shameful that she doesn’t take better care of her husband or apartment. Often times single female volunteers will complain about the fact that they are often talked down to by male colleagues, especially when the topic has to do with traditionally masculine things, such as mechanics, business, or politics.

Most gay volunteers generally choose to stay closeted to Bulgarians, even if they come out to fellow volunteers. Homosexuality is still something very volatile here, despite the presence of certain gay celebrities. Much like back home, calling someone the Bulgarian equivalent of “faggot” is a common insult (I’ve been called it a few times when finally resorting to profanity myself when politely telling a prostitute I’m not interested failed to stop her from physically molesting me). There are a few places in larger cities that give LGBT people an outlet, such as gay night clubs, but these are still places one wouldn’t want to have to tell the taxi driver you’re going to. One recent experience that comes to mind is at Thanksgiving I hosted many volunteers from around Bulgaria at my apartment for the weekend. On Saturday night, when we had out Thanksgiving meal (we don’t get American holidays off, so we make it up on the weekends usually), I invited the director of the institution that I work at to join us. A fellow volunteer was talking to her about the kids at my institution, and how she felt we did things a little differently back home. One of the reasons some of the kids at my institution are there is because, on top of other problems, they’re “gay.” How anyone can know this about a 9 year old is beyond me, but regardless that’s the excuse. This volunteer expressed the view that it’s not seen as something that is either wrong or right and that we don’t judge people about it. This of course opened up a can of worms that made me decide it was simply time to go get seconds on the turkey and stuffing.

Generally speaking, just like at home, talking to someone about these types of beliefs isn’t going to change their mind. It takes life experience to do that. Most volunteers recognize this and choose simply to avoid the topic, even ignoring it if you can pull off simply not being able to understand the speaker’s Bulgarian (even if you do!). However, it is something that comes up every now and then. We often have discussions on the best response to give when asked about how we deal with our society’s pariahs. One response punted by our Country Director (the head of PC in Bulgaria) over our list serve was

“Many Americans used to think that way about black people, Asians, Hispanics and other people. It’s taken us a long time and a lot of work, but we’ve reached a point where most people realize that thinking like this just made us weaker as a country. Now, many of our best leaders, business people and teachers are people who used to be considered inferior because of where they came from. By learning to appreciate everyone’s humanity and potential, America has become much stronger and harmonious…”

He also said, “another approach might be to point out that in Western Europe many Bulgarians are feeling the sting of racial/ethnic stereotyping, being lumped together as thieves and stupid people just because of where they come from and how they look.”

No one has found a definite answer to this issue, but I find that generally the best way to to avoid direct conflict and simply lead by example. Show them that you can be friends with a Roma person by being so. Talk about friends back home of a different background when delivering an anecdote to show that race isn’t an issue for you. They may think you’re naive and don’t know better, but on occasion someone realizes that in America it works because we let it (at least, sort of!).

In the meanwhile, we all do a LOT of venting. Many of my weekends are spent with other volunteers complaining about Bulgarians, Bulgaria, work, missing home, the backwardness of it all, the uncomfortable buses, the boredom of a small town, and everything else. With other Americans, especially once you’ve found your niche of friends, you can deflate and be yourself and, as you put it, “maintain your own identity and beliefs.” Also, being an LSU graduate, beer helps.
Anyway, I hope this has answered your questions fairly clearly. I know it’s a lot to digest.

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Holiday Donation Drive Wednesday, Dec 13 2006

Hey folks!

As most of you know I work in a school for youth offenders in Bulgaria. All of the children I work with are boys, aged about 7 to 17. Of those boys most are of Roma ethnicity (Gypsies). In Bulgaria as well as most of the rest of the world, the Roma live on the lowest rung of the social order. In Bulgaria they are highly discriminated against, are the poorest, and the least educated of all the peoples that live here. Most of the children at my institution are simply kids who have never had an even break in their lives and who have had to do whatever it was that got them to my institution to survive.

Last year through your donations I was able to buy each child at my institution a new pair of shoes and socks, something that helped keep them warm during the winter. This year I’d like to try and help them again. Your donations will go directly to their winter needs of shoes and socks. Extras will go towards enrichment to their lives as children, including sports equipment and other recreational activities.

Monetary donations can be sent to my PayPal account or to my parents’ home in Leesville. To donate over PayPal simply look me up under my email address: elkoubi@gmail.com. To send checks to my parents use the following mailing address:
Michael El Koubi
173 El Koubi Rd
Leesville, LA 71446

Also, Slinky’s Bar on Chimes Street in Baton Rouge will be hosting a fundraiser on Thursday, December 21! Apparently even the Bud girls are going to be there. Please show up to have a good time and donate some money!

Don’t forget that you can help make a difference in the life of a child in need!

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A Bad Day at Work Tuesday, Dec 5 2006

Today was a bad day.  A student was beaten severely by others.  He was believed to have run away but was actually napping and hadn’t told anyone (not that he hasn’t run away many times before).  When I saw what was happening I had to pull off some of the others multiple times before they stopped.  He was bleeding and crying for mercy.  This is a boy who used to be in a psychiatric ward before he came to my institution; he doesn’t belong here.  None of these kids really do.  They need help and reform, not sequestering and neglect.  The drugs he’s on (which I understand are to make him less aggressive) give him the severe shakes.   No wonder he tries to run away.  Sometimes I hate this place and feel powerless to change it at all.  Merry Christmas.

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Beard Off – One Month Friday, Dec 1 2006

Hey All,

Just a quick update. It’s now been one month since the start of the Peace Corps Bulgaria Winter Beard Off 2006: The Contest of Manliness. As such I’ve ben growing out my beard and present it, yet again, to my audience. Here is one month’s growth:

Yeah, I need a haircut, bad… I’ll get one this weekend in Varna I think. I’m heading that way for a meeting for our region’s baseball league. We’re all going to have teams this spring (by all of us I am refering to the majority of volunteers in the North East region). In other news, it’s December, which means I am starting to rock the Santa hat starting on my bus ride to Varna in the morning.

Merry Christmas!

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